On Tue, Jun 26, 2012 at 4:50 PM, Solomon Mbũrũ Kamau <solo.mburu@gmail.com> wrote:

I'm copying this to m FB wall

On 26/06/2012, Andrew Kerich <andykerich@gmail.com> wrote:
> Don't shoot the messenger..
>
>
> 1) The iDeos (commonly referred to as the idiot).Referred to as the
> idiot because its users are mainly idiots. The same people who rush to
> buy stuff just because it is on offer-stuff like mathuruare za Ngara,
> Komeleras on offer, penis enlargement pills and cheap liquor. For
> most, the iDeos is an upgrade from the phones they had. Being the
> cheapest android phone in ...the market, ladies, please don’t date
> ideos users, especially if you’re sure the bill will surpass the 300
> bob mark.
>
> 2) The Nokia. The Asha series is mostly for ladies who like big
> ‘things’ that can fit perfectly in their hands. Asha phones are for
> people who can’t afford proper Nokia’s like the E-series. If you own a
> Nokia with numbers denoting its series (like 3310), we can safely
> assume that you still own a Kencell
> simcard and you have cracks in your feet. You also partake hormonal
> beers like Summit lager and Pilsner lite if you are a dude. If you are
> a woman, well, you are the kind that asks the I.T guy whether
> installing a 32-bit O.S twice will make your machine a 64-bit. If you
> own a twin-sim Nokia, you are a con, a hopeless romantic or a local
> business person with a nagging spouse. I get it, Nokia’s are very
> handy phones, especially those ones that have ‘fat’ chargers….the
> vibrate on them is just awesome. Ok.Motorola-The last time I saw a
> Motorola phone was two years ago. If you own a Motorola phone you are
> dead to me. Moving on….
>
> 3) Samsung-If you own a Samsung Galaxy I salute you; with my middle
> finger. That’s just a zoomed in ideos bro. We get it that you love big
> things, but really? Guys with Samsung smart phones have belt/bra
> pouches for their phones, same people who deposit massive amounts in
> their M-Pesa accounts in a bid to impress M-Pesa attendants. Those who
> own Samsung touch phones are very flashy people, picking calls with no
> regard in queues and watching YouTube videos on full blast in
> Jeevanjee Gardens.
>
> 4) Blackberry users, well, there’s nothing much to be said here. These
> are business men/ women who shop for clandes using BBM. Blackberry is
> a name; sadly it’s just a name. A Blackberry is not a smart phone,
> it’s just a phone that has so much respect for the dead that there are
> even outages when people like Steve Jobs die. Pro tip: Turn your
> Blackberry into an iPhone running IOS5 by simply removing the
> battery-sadly Blackberry users won’t get this joke.
>
> 5) iPhone users are the epitome of elegance; if you own an iPhone, use
> public transport and live in a rental house you have low sperm count.
> IPhone users are at the top of Maslow’s hierarchy; you cannot have an
> iPhone and drive a Vitz. No, those two are mutually exclusive. You
> cannot have an iPhone and also use 4square, no; you become a disgrace
> to primitive Kenyans everywhere. You cannot own an iPhone and listen
> to riddims, or have a weave or shop an eNGARAsha. In fact you cannot
> call yourself a sufferer if you own any apple product; unless it is a
> Chinese version of the iPad (commonly known as HiPad and the apple at
> the back has been bitten twice).
>
> 6) Alcatel and LG users are on a class of their own. I won’t call them
> anything that won’t offend them. These are people with abnormal
> fetishes like foot jobs, who like trying new positions in bed and are
> atheists. They mostly shop at Gikomba, Muthurwa, Toy market and along
> roads. They are the main consumers of roadside products like roast
> maize, peanuts and yams; which in turn makes them the most ardent
> buyers of dewormers.
>
> 7) If you own a China phone we cannot be friends, I’m sorry but I
> value my ear drums more. Who buys a phone that has a feature that can
> change the users’ voice? As a matter of fact, if your phone has more
> than two Sim cards it is Chinese. If you can hear your phone ring in a
> club it is Chinese. If it has a ‘BMI Index’ calculator and an aerial
> it is Chinese. If it has a funny name like ‘Thamthung’,
> ‘iPone’,’Nokla’,’Forme’ or ‘Mblakbery’ ; came with more than one
> battery, has a radio, T.V and you don’t get results after Googling its
> name it is Chinese. Basically, if your phone has Chinese as a language
> option, or begins to charge every time you are near a socket outlet
> I’m sorry.
>
> 8) If your phone has a torch, wewe ni certified sufferer. Come for
> your certificate. Same people who use stoves and charcoal iron boxes.
> Keg drinkers. Night runners. You either drink too much or have lost
> too many phones, or you live in a very insecure place. Bottom line,
> wewe ni sufferer. Watu wa ka-quarter-quarter sugar, rice, meat and
> even vegetables.
>
> 9) Flap phones are for people who still watch ‘The bold and the
> beautiful’. They drink Stoney and Allsops. They think ‘Zangalewa’ are
> the westlife of Kenya and ‘Fair and handsome’ is the next best thing
> after dextrosol. Most of them have dandruff in their pubes.
>
> (ANONYMOUS - 2012)
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