Thank you for calling Safaricom customer care center. We know you have been trying to get through since last week but dont worry, at least you got through today. We also hope your phone has enough charge since this will take longer than most calls. For Kiswahili, Press 1, for English press 2. For any other language, you can get a translator. If you want to flirt with our customer care personell ... some advice ...., they dont look as good as they sound. If you think we overcharged you one the your last call, goodbye. If your scratch card number did not top up, bring us the card, the receipt, a copy of your national ID, your PIN number; and a copy of the ID of the person who sold it to you. We will give you a refund immediately if not sooner. If you were sent MPesa which you dint receive, write an essay of not less than 5000 words explaining how that is our problem. All offensive four letter words are not allowed. If your phone is having a problem, just hang up. If it went through our customer care line, it has no problem. Furthermore, we do not manufacture any phones. Even the one written safaricom is not a phone. Its just a handset! If you want to yell at us about our lousy customer service, you have to shout a little louder. They cant hear u in Cairo yet. If you feeling pissed at the length of this call, press the red button on your keypad. That does the trick. If you are Kalembe Ndile, the number for the ECK chairman is available in your local directory. If your handset is experiencing network problems, VUKA! See if we care! Or buy an external antennae. If you are Lucy, hang onto the line. A customer service representative called Wambui will attend to you shortly. If you are a Zain, Yu or Orange employee, we are not hiring at The moment so butt off. If you are Raila or Kibaki, for the umpteenth time, GO BACK TO YOUR JOB! KENYAN ARE DYING OF HUNGER! If you want to talk to Michael Joseph, you'll have to wait outside. Thank you! * * --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ -- If you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing